The $3.5 Million Baseball

While scrolling through a long list of Dodgers related tweets yesterday, I stumbled across this rather humorous one (rt means “re-tweet”):

This tweet was obviously made in jest about long-lost (but not forgotten… nor underpaid) Dodger third baseman Juan Uribe. I particularly got a kick out of the tweeter’s fictitious handle “@fattyswag5” – a play on words of Dee Gordon’s former Twitter handle “@skinnyswag9.”

As you can see, I replied to the tweet (also in jest), as did others.

After a good chuckle, I began thinking about the roster log jam that is Juan Uribe (for the umpteenth time) and came to the same conclusion that I have every single time that I question why he is still a Dodger – he must have some compromising photographs of Ned Colletti. I mean what else could it possibly be?

The tweet also brought back memories of the Juan Uribe home run ball that I caught out in the Left Field Pavilion on June 20, 2011 (hit off of Brad Penny, no less). It was the fourth and final home run that Uribe would hit in 2011, the first year of his insane three-year/$21 million contract. He would not hit another home run until May 11, 2012, almost one full year later.

In spite of Uribe's complete ineptitude as a hitter with the Dodgers, he is a great guy and was kind enough to sign the home run ball I caught from him.(Photo credit - Tim Cervenka)

In spite of Uribe’s ineptitude as a Dodger hitter, he is a great guy and was kind enough to sign his home run ball for me. (Photo credit – Tim Cervenka)

Uribe ended up hitting his second and final home run of the 2012 season (and perhaps as a Dodger) at New York’s CitiField on July 21, 2012 off of (get this) 2012 Cy Young Award winner R.A. Dickey – and I was there to see it! Dickey had been brought into the game in a rare relief appearance to pitch the top of the 9th and when Uribe stepped up to the plate, I said to my daughter and to my good friend Will Isabella “Uribe can’t even hit a fastball… how the hell is he going to hit a knuckleball?” Well, he did. You know what they say: “Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while.”

Through two full seasons with the Dodgers and with one year still remaining on his contract (to the tune of $8 Million), Juan Uribe has hit a grand total of 6, count ’em, SIX home runs in his 474 plate appearances as a Dodger. And while Dodgers manager Don Mattingly insists that Uribe is a great clubhouse guy (which I absolutely believe), I would rather it be in somebody else’s clubhouse.

In his two seasons with the Dodgers, Uribe has hit exactly six home runs in 474 plate appearances.(Photo credit Lawrence K. Ho)

In his two seasons with the Dodgers, Uribe has hit exactly six home runs in 474 plate appearances. (Photo credit Lawrence K. Ho)

If by chance Ned Colletti and Stan Kasten finally decide that it’s time to cut their losses and eat the remaining $8 million owed to Uribe right now, each of Juan’s six home runs will have cost the Dodgers $3.5 million.

For Sale – Make Offer (Sorry – but I can’t pay you very much)

A $3.5 million Juan Uribe home run ball.
Uribe has 157 career home runs but only six since joining the Dodgers in December of 2010. (Photo credit – Ron Cervenka)

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3 Responses to “The $3.5 Million Baseball”

  1. MFGRREP says:

    Maybe it’ll fit next to my 2 Ted Lilly balls !! Which reside next to my Andrew Jones ball and Jason Schmidt balls !!! Now where did I put that box ???

  2. OldBrooklynFan says:

    I, who was also with you guys that day at Citi Field, remember it well. Not only did Uribe’s HR shock us but it brought the Dodgers back to life.

  3. funkyjam says:

    Sooo funny!

    Oh wait, this isn’t fun at all… I cant decide if I want Uribe to be given one last chance to prove himself, or just cut the ties already. I really wish Juan Uribe never existed 🙁 The fact that we even have to talk about him once hes released is… the thought makes me sick!

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